Collarbones and Crunches

I know, I know, It's been a long while since I blogged. But don't worry, I am still on this weight loss journey! I think it was my fear of success that reared in ugly head. You see, I have had such positive response to my blog and that scared me. I didn't think people would actually read it! So I'll give you the skinny (hehe!) on how things have been going.

Over the past three or four months things have really changed in my head and heart towards this journey. I want to change my life and I LOVE working out. What the heck is that all about. I watch the Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover weight lose addition and I wish they were me. I wish I could workout all day everyday.

A month ago I worked out six days in one week and since then I have been basically doing five times a week, 30-60 minutes a day. I have lost 20 pounds and we set another goal a month ago to drop 20 more pounds in three months, I am six pounds down already, well on my way! I was a birthday party this weekend a resisted the cupcakes! Anyone who knows me knows that cupcakes are one of my biggest weaknesses.

I have collarbones!!!! I can not believe it! And my shoulders are starting to look more like they should look, toned and defined. Oh and did I mention my calf muscles. Yep they are there! I might even be able to fit into a pair of knee high boots for the first time in my life. That makes me want to cry.

The belly is the battle, it's is starting to go but it's literally hanging on for dear life! I could not believe when I put on a pair of pants that I have always been to big for that they are now a bit to big for me. I made a goal to fit back into my running jacket that has not fit me in five years, and today I wore it out for a workout this morning. When I put that jacket on about six weeks ago and it fit me I cried, I cried and cried. Michael held me and I soaked in the reward and shock of my hard work.

Food is coming along but it has been my everest. I wish I could say it's been easy but then again nothing is ever easy when it's really life changing right?

I know this update has been a bit of me blowing my own horn but I need to be proud of my successes and I hope that all this success I am having may just give that encouragement to someone else who may need it.

Stirring the Pot

I am kind of all over in my thoughts right now I am just despite to get them all out. I am sorry if this post is very disjointed, reading this may help you understand where my mind has been at over the past couple of weeks. And why besides the U2 concert I have been on the verge of tears for days.

Every time I change my clothes I ask Michael " Do I look different? I am different right? My body is changing? Can you tell? I think my bum looks smaller, what do you think?" Poor guy, he just keeps saying, "yes babe, you look different, you look great!"

Over the past couple of months I have been really wondering why I need such compliments and on the other hand why are so many people so tight lipped about giving compliments? I have a feeling it has something to do with competitiveness and our need to be better then the next person. Maybe when it comes right down to it's all about our own insecurities. Am I that person? I sure hope not, I hope I make people feel great. But now I must challenge myself to make sure I am paying complements where compliments are due. I also must learn to not need validation from others but from God and my own successes and know that the goal I am striving for is a long and happy life and that is the reward and is better then anything anyone could say.

Let me say this past week has been a huge challenge for me in the food department and staying on track. But I have been working out so I am proud of that. With the challenges I have faced this week it became very clear to me how much the environment and the people I surround myself with can tear me down or build me up on this journey. I am sad that not everyone I love is on this page with me. But now I have some idea what it must have felt like for people like my brother Jeff who is an athlete in every sense of the word to watch me sit on the couch while he went out and ran the Boston Marathon.

Jeff and my cousin Rich ran the Calgary marathon last Sunday and I went and cheered them on. I was struck by the pure passion of the runners. I could not get over how much I desire that type of passion. The great thing is I feel it stirring in my soul. Finally, in 32 years I feel like I am on the right track, and the verge of greatness in my life. I am so excited to see where God is leading our little family and my first thought when I think and pray about our lives moving forward is how much more exercise can I do. And what kind of exercise can I do to switch things up. Honestly I don't feel like I am doing enough and I crave more. I cannot believe that our life changing experiences are driven by exercise.

In the same token I am desperately grieving for people who can’t be stirred to action. People who can’t see others passions and be moved to there feet and see hope and joy in life. I know those people are in a different place life then I am at in my life but I pray for you. I pray God stirs you all to your feet, so when he calls us home you can run in to His arms.

Cutting the Cheese

Here is what I love to eat…

Macdonalds

Taco Bell

Sugary drinks from coffee shops

Cupcakes, literally I dream of cupcakes

Most restaraunts

I love a meal my gramma use to make that has cream of mushroom soup and Mayo as the sauce

I could eat spoonfuls of mayo

Oh. KFC hot wings. Luckily not much else from there

Wendy’s big bacon classic

Cake

Whipping cream

Cheddar and mozzarella cheese

Wings

Nachos

Pina colda’s

Sour Cream

Here’s what I shouldn’t eat

Macdonalds

Taco Bell

Sugary drinks from coffee shops

Cupcakes, literally I dream of cupcakes

Most restaraunts

I love a meal my gramma use to make that has cream of mushroom soup and Mayo as the sauce

I could eat spoonfuls of mayo

Oh. KFC hot wings. Luckily not much else from there

Wendy’s big bacon classic

Cake

Whipping cream

Cheddar and mozzarella cheese

Wings

Nachos

Pina colda’s

Sour Cream

The first month I was working out I was seeing results without having to change my eating, which was six months ago….

I wasn’t ready to make the full change, I was willing to workout, and I actually liked it! But changing my eating was a whole different animal.

I have realized along this journey that I have a fear of success; I would get weighed and measured at the gym lose inches and stop at McDonald’s on my way home. My mentality was, well I worked out today so I can have one cheeseburger and a small fry. I totally deserve it. Why do I reward myself with food? Why do I deserve to eat? Why don’t I deserve a manicure or a pedicure instead of a Big Mac? An even better question, why do I need to reward myself at all. I worked out; working out and choosing to life should be enough. Working out is the part of my life that keeps me off the antidepressants I had been on for five years. Shouldn't that be my reward?

By why can’t I stop eating that is the question!

It dawned on me that I need rules and regulations. More then that I needed rules and regulations between Michael and I. I needed a plan an outline to live by. And I needed him to be on board because I will never lie to him about what I’ve eaten and I don’t want to have to admit to him that I went to Wendy’s!

Michael and I sat down and made Our Rules, here they are

NO fast food at all ever. If we need to eat out, it has to be something healthy like Edo, or Subway.

NO sugary drinks from coffee shops except for a Saturday or Sunday. It's funny, I rarely go to coffee shops on weekends (so except for the past week, where I have broken my rule a couple of times) I hardly drink sugary coffee's anymore.

NO fries ever again no matter what.

NO deep fried foods at all.

NO pop at restaurants. It’s amazing, restaurants are basically the only place I drink pop and I had never realized that.

The worst food I have needed to cut out is cheese. I love cheese. However yesterday I asked Michael to start buying cheeses I don’t like. That way I know I won’t eat it!

I have also been working with a trainer for my workouts and nutrition guidance. She would like me to be eating 5 to 6 300-calorie meals a day. That meal should include a carb and a protein at each meal.

Since Michael and I have committed to our rules and I have been following as close to my eating plan as I can I have been seeing results. But more then that I am healthy and I am going to live longer, then I would have seven months ago.

Finally I feel like I broke through the barrier of fearing success, now I crave success. Don’t get me wrong, I still fall apart; last Friday I ate 2 and half cupcakes from Flirt and fettuccini alfredo! I counted that as a cheat day, regretted it for a couple of hours and then woke up Saturday morning to an egg white omelet and whole wheat toast! Delicious success!

The Tasty Truth

On September 12th 2009 I married Michael, the greatest man I have ever met. I was blessed with the gift of his love, forever.

On June 13th 2010 I gave birth to our beautiful vibrant daughter Avery. How do you even put into words the joy and terror being a mother is.

On July 19th 2004 Judi Lynne Dyer died. Gone. Never to mother me again. She was 55, she was a diabetic and supremely unhealthy. I loved her, I miss her and I need her still.

Everyone tells me how much I remind them of her. I have heard gasps as I enter the room full of her friends, I am the walking mirror of my mother.

What scares me is she died at 55. How much am I really like my mom?

When I held my daughter and felt the love of my life over my shoulder looking at me and loving me, loving Avery, I knew I needed to live. For Michael and for Avery but most of all for me. I need to meet Avery's children, I need to hold Michael's had at our daughters wedding. I need to be here, I choose life.

Lets talk about the struggle of getting it right, of choosing to live. You see I am not a born exercise guru, obviously! I love food, all sorts. Well actually all sorts of unhealthy food like, whipping cream and fast food. I love watching movies, sitting on the couch snuggling with Michael and laying in bed reading. I don't like carrots and doing push ups.

This past seven months, I have been working out and trying my hardest to change the way I think about eating and health. It has had massive life changing rewards, I am happier then I have ever been. However is has not come without great challenges. And that is why I decided to start writing and putting my journey towards health freedom out there for all to read. What a better way to stay focused, be vulnerable, be accountable and maybe even help someone else choose life.

So welcome to my journey and thank you for cheering me on!